the past two weeks broke me the fuck down.

school was stressed. (short line to a long story)
work not only cut my hours but stuck me with
3pm-10  friday 
2pm-10 sat & sun

so when to i find time to do the excess work from independent classes, organize my life to keep from panicking, and do my god damned luandry?

I broke up with Eric, for the wrong reason. then got back together.
things have been better for me atleast, i hope he feels the same.

I think my real reason for breaking up with him is he is the only major part of my life that i can control.
and though he was  in noway the problem, i doesnt legally control me, he doesnt have the power to fire me.
and i cant hate him.

we are too dependent upon eachother. and putting far to much stress on hanging out.

im afraid if we dont work on these things, the end of our relationship is iminent.
and oh god i love him. but how do two people with the exact same insanities and worries help eachother grow?

any advice that isnt "Erics a douche, dump him"

ill have to tell you of it later.
pictures will be included.
<3

my weight is suddenly up past 98pounds again.
my booty is back.

havent dont anything overly interesting, same shit different day.
same shit different year.
same shit different people.

my level of confidence aint what it used to be. i keep recalling how many friends i used to have. i keep thinking jess and i really were famous. i mean, how many 14 year old girls were known by so many in the tristate area?  thats pretty damn close to famous.

now i can barely carry on a conversation. i never know what to say. my voice doesnt even sound the same. im not very nice anymore. im alot less caring. everynow and then my old motherly nature kicks in. but mostly i think that part of me has been fucked into submission.

meh, at the moment i dont really care so...meh.

how was everyones holiday?

eclipse cigarettes are the most mind boggling cigarettes i have ever smoked.
buy some. they are rediculous.

tired half crazy.
need nicotiene.

fighting alot with manbot.
XIU XIU is tomorrow, shit shit shit shit shit yes!!!
im scared as hell to call jamie stewart.
but i am positive all shall go as planed.

hey kids.
lets pick up sticks
lets make a sound of our own.
all dogs invited if everything feels wrong, then we'll need  a little  banging going on.

one two three
arms for the trees
self seekers vomiting doubts
ill change all the words but my poltergiest concurs, the words arent even nessicary now.

everybodys morphing everything is morphing

kiss for a kiss
ill change the jist
of rules that i thought you would like

remember you young duck you crash my apartment and kept me up (worry) through the night.

long short days.
feeling sick.

when you stare down into the grand canyon.
you get this curious feeling that it isnt deep at all.
you could walk straight across.

I wish i was Cat Woman.

You say I am loca
because I am your girl
You say I am stupid
because I am your girl
You leave me out on the steps
you dress me up like a boy
You say that I am your secret love
You say to be quiet
but I want to tell the whole world

I like my neighborhood
I like my gun
Drive in my little car
I am your girl and I will protect you

We do it in the back of my little car
Pull up my pants and fix my bra
go on home to your kids

I'm going to be quiet and I'm going to tell the whole block